A Year With My Baby

It seems unbelievable that a year has already passed since my wife delivered the greatest joy in my life.
I remember that October day she brought home the half-gallon of Breyers Fried Ice Cream like it was yesterday. My waistline hasn’t been the same since.

Around the same time, we went to the hospital and the wife let slip another pretty beautiful thing, the 6-pound, 15-ounce unfrozen novelty known as my daughter, Sofia.

Last week, we celebrated the little prodigy’s first birthday with tacos and an Elmo cake, causing me to run to restroom to reflect on all the things we’ve learned as parents and all the things she’s learned as the child of the two greatest parents of all time.

Being the daughter of a writer, Sofia’s vocabulary is like… really, really, very good. It’s like a college professor’s. She says: “Ma-Ma,” “Da-Da,” “hyeee,” “woof-woof,” “uh-oh,” “Bocephus,” “gefilte fish,” “anomalous phenomenon” and “Long John Silver’s.” You should hear the sentences she creates.

Physically, she’s developing like the illegitimate offspring of Brian Bosworth and Marion Jones. She can’t officially walk yet, but she will take one step to the side, then break into the Electric Slide. You should see her at weddings.
Sofia has taught us a lot, too. We’ve learned that although the talking Elmo cell phone can be programmed so that Elmo will say “Sofia” or maybe “Sophia” if you have the right cord and an internet connection, Sofia doesn’t seem to mind that Elmo still calls her Archie.
What we can’t figure out is if there are any small children out there actually named Archie and why we get a bill each month with $400 worth of calls to Sesame Street.
Making sure Sofia is ready in the morning is probably the most difficult thing about being a parent. Usually she’s up pretty early, but if she doesn’t have my shirt ironed and my lunch made before 7:15, it’s straight to “The Timeout Step” for her. We learned that on Super Nanny.
Before we had Sofia, everyone warned us about how our life would change with a baby. They’d say “you won’t be able to sleep” and “you’re never going to get to go out again.”
It’s just not true. I get at least three hours of sleep every night. We went to dinner once and a movie one other time. And guess what, naysayers?
We’ll go again when our CD matures and we can afford to pay the babysitter.
It’s been a great year at home with the baby. We can’t wait to see what she’ll accomplish by her second birthday. I’ve already read the first few chapters of her detective novel, and let me tell you, it’s a page-turner.