For immediate release, or whenever you get around to it

As you probably already know based on the late release of this official statement, I lost last night's Oscar Smackdown, not to mention the first annual interstate e-competition with the Robinsons and a Zimmer. I know you share in my shame and will heed my call for a boycott of all present and future Kate Winslet movies. Try to keep your head up.
Here's the official press release, but feel free to just trash it along with your special edition copy of Titanic.

Academy robs rightful champion of Smackdown title, Jackman 'kind of delightful'

Simpsonville, S.C. -- Oscar Smackdown favorite and Hollywood heartthrob Greg Van De Voorde is calling for an investigation into the Academy of Motion Picture Arts & Sciences' voting practices after he had victory stolen from him in last night's Smackdown.

Van De Voorde and his lucky wife ended the 10th annual Oscar competition deadlocked with 18 correct picks out of 24 categories, but the title went to the lucky wife thanks to a complicated and possibly fraudulent tiebreaker system. Lucky wife correctly picked foreigner Kate Winslet to win the Oscar for Best Actress, while Van De Voorde brilliantly selected American independent actress Melissa Leo, also known as "the thinking man's pick" and "the best actress ever."

"I put my faith in the Academy to do what was right and I should have known better," said a dejected Van De Voorde. "I blame everyone except myself."

But Van De Voorde didn't stay home empty handed. He received a $1 box of Raisinets by world-renowned chocolatier Nestle and a bag of Sour Brite Crawlers, a gummi candy out of Round Lake, Minnesota.

The lucky wife won some movies, which Van De Voorde vowed to watch first.

"The Academy owes all of my fans an apology," he said. "They really let you down this year. It almost makes you forget how kind of delightful Hugh Jackman was."